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Beginning Again | Amanda Hostetler

It’s been a few years since I penned my last post here.  There were periods of time over years when I wrote there everyday.  Especially as we picked up our family (then only numbering seven) and moved to China.  Daily my brain and emotions were so thick with input that writing that blog helped me clean out the clogged filters.  It allowed me to process and it forced me to think.  As the household grew to 9..11…12…13 members, and as my everyday life in China became, well, an everyday thing, I slowly stopped writing.

Today I’m beginning again.

I’m venturing out again into the world of capturing thoughts, straining through my mental pea soup, and marinating in vulnerability through writing.

In full disclosure, the season ahead is forcing my hand. We’re about to mobilize our household of 13, leaving our host country and home of 10 years, to expand our vision and dreams in a new place.

A location at once foreign and familiar. A roost inviting and terrifying. A field full of promise and staggering expense.

America.

Most of our children have never lived in America. Those who did, remember America as Disneyland and barbecues. Of course I look the part, as one who spent my first 37 years there, but I’ve changed so radically on the inside that my gut churns at night as I wonder if I will ever feel at home again.

How will our children transition? Will we find community? Will my marriage be strong enough? How will we afford to live there? Where will we rest our heads?   Will our children suffer? Can we keep our family united and safe? A billion swirling questions besiege me and there are no answers from this vantage point.

Oh, we’ve got vision.  We’ve got big dreams about expanding our ministry. We have Words spoken over us by brothers and sisters who are praying for us.  We have faith.

FAITH.

So, with faith I am beginning again.  I want to tell this story.  It’s His story. He will reveal His goodness and faithfulness as we carry on.  If I hide inside the unanswered questions and whisper in the caverns of fear and lack, then I rob Him of His glory when He shows off His brilliant compassion again.

So I invite you to journey with me on this adventure of expansion and faith.

Ours is a path of the daily miraculous.

 

Philippians 1:6 – being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.